See You Again Soon

Ask me about grief and for sure I can tell you more about what it is now that I have experienced it. I will miss you Mommy. I won't dwell on the what if's but there are thousands going through my mind. Why too soon?

I know you are happy wherever you are right now. This takes away an ounce of burden in my heart, at least that's what I want to think. I would give anything to feel your presence, to say a proper good bye, to hug and kiss you for the last time. Is this even possible?

I am comforting myself with the many memories I have of you. I have no words to describe how much I miss you, Kuya and my nieces. I miss my childhood and the family we once had. But now all I could think of is the time I spent away from you and that if I could've done things differently. It is easy to distance oneself when your many miles away but I never stopped missing and loving you. Did you know that?

If I had known I won't see you anymore I would've hugged you tighter at the airport, I would've done things a thousand ways more different, if only I could bring back time.

I wouldn't let my guilt eat me but I will try to become a better mother for your grandchildren. You taught me everything about being a great Mom and hopefully I will live up to that. I will never be as hard working as you are, I can barely clean the house everyday, I don't iron clothes, both a NO NO for you. I have always wondered where you get the energy and the talent to make our home the cleanest and our table filled with the most delicious home cooked meals.

You raised Kuya and I the best way you can. It's always been the three of us. I remember us going to the movies, shopping, or all of us busy with whatever books we are reading at the moment. You sheltered us from life's cruel intentions as much as you could and no matter how much we failed, you were there for us, always to the rescue paying the bills, taking care of your grandchildren, etc.

It got me thinking if I had been a good daughter at least? I gave you so much heart aches and yet you never hated me. You got mad yes but in the end you always told me that life experiences are the best teachers. I never had to tell you what's bothering me, you've always known. You have a way of knowing what I am going through and I never had to explain myself to you. So many unspoken words but I know in my heart that you knew but I would've said it aloud if only I knew you were leaving.

I still can't process in my head that you are gone now. I don't think I have cried enough but I know you would want me to go on with my life and not get drowned by sorrow. Please don't get mad when you see me crying. I'm just a child pining for her mom. It gives me relief as the tears flow, it's not about being sad but also relieving all the memories we've had.

It only shows that time is our biggest enemy. I prayed and prayed for you to live a long life. I never once thought that you will go at a very young age. I wanted you to at least experience life at its best again, the way you deserve to live it. I'm so sorry I didn't get to see you again but I promise, you will forever live in our hearts. I will never forget you Mommy. I am what I am because of you. I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!

Thanksgiving 2012

Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving.  ~W.T. Purkiser

Thanksgiving Dinner 2012

 

A lot has happened since last year's Thanksgiving. We have a lot to be thankful for this year. Our prayers have been heard regarding our status here in Canada which was our biggest concern, we were able to go on a trip to the United States, the kids are both healthy and doing good in school, and many more.

We have been through a whole lot as a family and being grateful is something I won't forget. We have made changes in our lives lately by reconnecting with our faith. It is a promise hubby and I both made at the same time without even talking about it. We have everything except our relationship with God and now that we have it back on track, I feel like I don't have to ask for anything more. I feel like I'm on top of the world :)

On top of my prayers always, is good health. More than the material things I desire, I always pray for safety and for each and every member of my family to be spared from any illness. It is also about time to pay more attention with our health. I want to see my kids grow, have grandchildren and I want to experience growing old with hubby. I see hubby and I driving a Buick Enclave maybe 30 years from now or having breakfast with him at the Casino :P

It's been one heck of a roller coaster ride. Exciting and yet full of ups and downs and yes, I am talking about LIFE in general. I am so glad that I was raised having an attitude of being content and happy whatever life brings. I embrace positivity as if it's a life saver and it really is a life saver.

I have learned not to entertain negativity in any way, bitterness, anger, envy and jealousy aren't in my vocabulary. I am HAPPY with who I am and what I have. I am thankful for EVERYTHING in my plate, my DREAMS and ASPIRATIONS that help me ACHIEVE. I can't wait for my time to SHINE, I feel it in my bones haha!

Patience and courage are all I ask for the tasks I'm about to tackle, and of course, SUCCESS! :D

Nothing is more honorable than a grateful heart.  ~Seneca

More Toys Please!

Dora, Upsy Daisy, a penguin, Rexty the triceratops and a monkey on Lei's bed

The kids have been asking for these Happy Nappers ever since they saw them on TV. They look kinda cute but sometimes they just get so encouraged by these commercials. They're watching kid friendly channels but the commercials especially those promoting toys are so disappointing especially on the parents' part. I spend much of my time explaining why they can't have a particular toy unless it's their birthday or for some other reason. Seeing so much toys and buying them a lot don't teach them the value of things. It's just making them greedy and unappreciative of what they already have. Giving them what they want every now and then don't make them happy and satisfied and it's like teaching them the opposite. While some of their toys and our purchases were a complete waste of money, it's really about teaching them the value of money and disciplining them when it comes to their wants. And we also got two kids, we don't just buy for one kid so that makes it all the more expensive.

We already got a roomful of toys, some were given but mostly were purchased. Lance is back into his LEGO phase and he sleeps with his soldier teddy while Lei doesn't get attached to any of her toys yet. Since Lance got his soldier teddy a few months ago, I got all the other stuffed toys and put them in a luggage bag to decrease the mess around here but Lei would often ask for her cat or her penguin until all of them are out of the luggage bag again. And now they're asking for these happy nappers!?! I'd say, they could wait until it's Christmas :D

All Geared Up

I have been feeling this sense of accomplishment since last week from the time we got our new work permits. That gave me a whole sense of hope and kind of pulled me into the right direction. It just amazed me how in a span of two days, we were able to accomplish a lot. It's probably because of the long months of waiting and feeling displaced, not to mention stressed with regards to our next move or avoiding the reality of having a back up plan just in case the unexpected happens. I could go on and on about our uncertainties but I am feeling positive these days.

I discovered over the weekend that if I condition myself to do something, actually do it and not just ponder doing it, I will certainly achieve something. In my case, passing the driving exam. So now I have these goals that I want to meet before the year ends. I pray for strength and guidance, I am all psyched up and excited as well!

Hubby's been teaching me how to drive too, I am still struggling on this aspect and probably a long way from being an accomplished driver but for such a nervous wreck like me, it's still a HUGE achievement. It's gonna be a slow and grueling process but I'm just glad I was able to will myself to do something I originally never wanted to do, actually swore that I wouldn't do but finally did or at least trying my best to :D

New WPs

The long and anxious wait is over, our new work permits have arrived last Wednesday. The rest of the week was a blur, reactivated our health cards, got new Social Insurance #s, updated school records, registered Lei for Pre-K and wisdom teeth extraction yesterday. What a week!

Hopefully (fingers crossed), our medical will be next then our PR. Patience, more patience and FAITH! Amidst the trials, I can't help but be thankful for all the blessings and the littlest things in front of me. In HIS time, on our OWN pace, all will be well, ultimate goals will be achieved. We may not be there yet, not even close but we are going to get there :D

Shots and Toys

The kids got their immunization shots yesterday. Three for Lance and five for Lei. It was a very painful and awful experience having received those shots all at the same time. I brought them to Park Place afterwards to partially alleviate the pain while we wait for hubby to pick us up. Lance requested for cheese popcorn and Lei wanted strawberry ice cream.

After their ordeal, what better way to treat sore and cranky kids was to bring them to Toys R' Us. Lance has been requesting for a Lego Ninjago eversince he saw the commercial. Lei got her own Lego Hello Kitty and it surely brought a smile to her face.

I know these toys wouldn't relieve the pain and it's still Tylenol who's gonna help me get through the following days or so. But at the end of the day, it's making the kids realize that after a painful day, there's some things to look forward to and that it's not the end of the world having experienced so much pain in one day.

A Valuable Lesson for a 6 yr. old

Lance with Mommy

Mommy with her grandchildren

Lance, from what I've observed is quite over his sweet stage towards us. Gone are the days that he'd cuddle up and shower us kisses publicly but he still does that from time to time, only in private and by request. But he does have good memory and frequently tells us what he remembers when he was still small, mostly stories when we were still in the Philippines. He remembers his toys, his yellow trike, the guard at PNB, our pedicab rides, our trips to Trabajo market, eating fishball, our old apartment, etc. but sometimes his memory of Mom whom he calls 'Iya' is fading. The other day he told me he can't remember Mom anymore and I asked him if he wants me to show him a picture and he said "I'll just close my eyes and I'll see her." He gets so sad and teary eyed when he forgets how my Mom looks like. I told him once that when you love a person, even if you don't see him/her, keep them in your heart forever, keep them close so that you'll always remember and that you never ever forget a person you love. At his young age, I know he understands and I also know that what I said to him will serve as a valuable lesson to him. I don't mind losing his sweet personality as he grows up because I know his sensitivity will pave way for a much better Lance in the future.