See You Again Soon

Ask me about grief and for sure I can tell you more about what it is now that I have experienced it. I will miss you Mommy. I won't dwell on the what if's but there are thousands going through my mind. Why too soon?

I know you are happy wherever you are right now. This takes away an ounce of burden in my heart, at least that's what I want to think. I would give anything to feel your presence, to say a proper good bye, to hug and kiss you for the last time. Is this even possible?

I am comforting myself with the many memories I have of you. I have no words to describe how much I miss you, Kuya and my nieces. I miss my childhood and the family we once had. But now all I could think of is the time I spent away from you and that if I could've done things differently. It is easy to distance oneself when your many miles away but I never stopped missing and loving you. Did you know that?

If I had known I won't see you anymore I would've hugged you tighter at the airport, I would've done things a thousand ways more different, if only I could bring back time.

I wouldn't let my guilt eat me but I will try to become a better mother for your grandchildren. You taught me everything about being a great Mom and hopefully I will live up to that. I will never be as hard working as you are, I can barely clean the house everyday, I don't iron clothes, both a NO NO for you. I have always wondered where you get the energy and the talent to make our home the cleanest and our table filled with the most delicious home cooked meals.

You raised Kuya and I the best way you can. It's always been the three of us. I remember us going to the movies, shopping, or all of us busy with whatever books we are reading at the moment. You sheltered us from life's cruel intentions as much as you could and no matter how much we failed, you were there for us, always to the rescue paying the bills, taking care of your grandchildren, etc.

It got me thinking if I had been a good daughter at least? I gave you so much heart aches and yet you never hated me. You got mad yes but in the end you always told me that life experiences are the best teachers. I never had to tell you what's bothering me, you've always known. You have a way of knowing what I am going through and I never had to explain myself to you. So many unspoken words but I know in my heart that you knew but I would've said it aloud if only I knew you were leaving.

I still can't process in my head that you are gone now. I don't think I have cried enough but I know you would want me to go on with my life and not get drowned by sorrow. Please don't get mad when you see me crying. I'm just a child pining for her mom. It gives me relief as the tears flow, it's not about being sad but also relieving all the memories we've had.

It only shows that time is our biggest enemy. I prayed and prayed for you to live a long life. I never once thought that you will go at a very young age. I wanted you to at least experience life at its best again, the way you deserve to live it. I'm so sorry I didn't get to see you again but I promise, you will forever live in our hearts. I will never forget you Mommy. I am what I am because of you. I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!

A Summer Worth Remembering

Just when I thought I'd have more time blogging because it is summer, of course I turned out wrong. Having the kids 24/7 is the culprit. We didn't plan any summer vacation this year which I'd like to think is a blessing in disguise (I will explain in a bit).

Prior to the kids' summer vacation, we spent a week in Vancouver to renew our passports and discover Beautiful British Columbia which was indeed beautiful! We explained to the kids that the BC trip is our summer getaway so don't expect more.

So the first couple of weeks into the summer, the kids were fine. We were enjoying late nights, sleeping in, being lazy and doing stuff they can't do throughout the school year. We were just basically hanging out with friends or staying home, kids doing their 'chores' and me paying them allowance money as promised.

Our summer was going on it's usual course (minus our yearly vacation) when I lost someone dear to me. I can't imagine getting this sad news while on vacation somewhere. Good thing we are home and had nothing special planned. For a week, I just wanted to be alone. I could've stayed like this forever but I had no choice but to pull myself out of the slump I'm into. I have kids to entertain, a family to take care of and somehow keeping myself busy helped big time but robbed me off the chance to properly grieve :(

Few weeks more and the kids will be back to school. We decided to go on a trip somewhere close but to a place the kids will surely love and make their summer memorable. It is hard grieving for you own mother and at the same time trying to be the best mother you could be for your kids at a time like this but hey that's what my mom would've done anyway. I am sure wherever she is, she is smiling down at me saying what a great job she has done raising me :D

New Endeavors

 buttered arctic garden veggies

I have a ton to post, hopefully I get to find the links for the recipes. We moved a few weeks ago and have been at my busiest. Why am I sitting here and doing this instead of cleaning up? I need a break. Every bone in my body hurts. I just told a friend I feel like I am 50 years old!

Anyway, I'm gonna lighten up the mood and avoid talking about aging and muscle aches as much as I can. LET"S TALK ABOUT FOOD! Yay!

Prior to moving, we originally planned to have tea every single night. We probably had it for two nights and that's it haha. When things calm down I'll start doing this again. Maybe tonight? ;-)

tea time!

My kids bug me non stop for homemade cookies. They have this crazy notion that their mom is a great baker which of course isn't true but thank goodness for Pinterest I found a couple of easy recipes. I love cake mixes!

my cookie monsters!

I also found a frozen cookie dough in the freezer. I baked it as a whole and it worked a lot better, way better! Kids said it was good :)

choco chip cookie

I tried this two ingredient cake recipe because I was curious and was dying to eat something sweet that day. Who would've thought that a box of cake mix and soda will result in a delicious fluffy cake? Whoever did was a genius. I used yellow cake mix and Sprite.

2 ingredient cake

My kids,specially Lance can be picky so their meals have to be a combination of their favorites and something new all the time.

store bought fish balls

turkey bacon

bologna cups

turkey bacon sandwich

This soup recipe has given me another reason why I need to stock up on coconut milk. It is definitely delicious and easy to make. I followed this recipe.

Thai Coconut Soup

Just when I thought spring's here, I was wrong of course. It's been cold for weeks now and when I mean cold, cold as in winter just came. More reason to cook sou. Below are two different beef soups, they might look the same but they aren`t, both taste awesome though :)

Ooops! I think I put way too much beef fats :)

Bulalo (beef shank soup)

Here comes some of my Pinterest inspired recipes. I will tell you which ones have been elevated to family favorites!

I tried this korean bbq beef short ribs recipe but used pork belly instead. I love this site, the recipes are easy to follow and I bet all her recipes are good!

korean bbq pork belly

I found this stir fry pork belly recipe on Pinterest as well but tweaked it a little in terms of some ingredients, used bok choy instead of spinach, hoisin instead of oyster sauce. I prefer not to stir fry pork belly and would rather go with my usual route of boiling and then frying.

pork belly stir fry

It dawned on me that this will go well with chili oil. I made my first ever chili oil and my life has never been the same again. I added brown sugar to the usual sesame oil, olive oil and chili flakes mix for added flavor and crunch. We now put this on almost everything.

chili oil

Next is this mongolian beef recipe, such a keeper and I`ve put it along with the family favorites. Again, the chili oil made this dish more awesome!

mongolian beef

And here are some more food, the good, the bad, highlights of what we had the past few weeks before and after the move.

chinese sweet and sour

baked lemon chicken

steak

fried basa with cucumber/tomato salad

the perfect chicken

And here goes the perfect chicken. It was actually a spice rub for a whole chicken to be cooked in a slow cooker but decided to try it on chicken breasts then baked instead. Still working on it to make it more kid friendly. But believe me when I say it is the perfect chicken, so perfect I don't even want to share the secret recipe :D

My Perfect Valentine's Meal

memorable Valentine's Day meal :)

Another busy week has passed. I cannot be more thankful it is the weekend though I still have tons of chores to do but to be honest, I am loving our hectic schedule these days, Friday as the busiest.

The weather was awesome this week. Leila and I had fun walking to school, we also frequented the bakery, did some last minute valentine gifts and of course, Mommy had fun in the kitchen. Attribute my eagerness in the kitchen to Pinterest. I thought I'd never say it, but yes, it is quite addicting.

I will start off with the kids' food. Lance went home from school one day with a bag of snack mix. I told him he can pretty much make his own when we get home. Conversations like this make our walk from school pretty fast. So when we got home, he made his snack mix out of Cinnamon Pops and Frosted Flakes cereal, Bugles, Crispers and chocolate chips. Such a perfect sweet and salty snack mix plus he can't believe the fact that he did his own snack.

snack mix made by Lance

Since we had boxes and boxes of Rice Krispies cereals, I made them into rice krispie treats, heart shaped of course!

heart shaped rice krispie treats

Leila is a pain to wake up in the morning so I surprised her with Ice cream waffle cone waffles for breakfast.

my baby girl's breakfast

I got some free Kellogg's crackers this week and was surprised on how good they taste, even the kids ate them. I will definitely buy this product again!

BBQ crackers with tuna salad

perfect snack!

I may love cooking but some days I just wanna lie down. Pork belly is what we always have in our freezer these days. Season with salt and pepper and they're ready to go the grill pan. No boiling needed and just straight into the pan. Delicious grilled pork belly!

grilled pork belly

one of my favorites!

Another Pinterest inspired recipe is Philly Cheesesteak Stuffed Bell Peppers. We had some left over roast beef in the fridge which was perfect for this one. Instead of provolone cheese, I used some cheese slices we already have. One of these days, I'll throw a left over themed party and this is gonna be the star!

roast beef and mushrooms sauteed in butter, garlic and onions

bell peppers stuffed with mushrooms and roast beef, cheese on top

garnished with bacon bits

Today, I experimented on some mackerel. I seasoned the fish with salt, lemon juice and olive oil. Broiled them for 20 minutes, transferred into a pyrex dish where I added, carrots, whole peppercorns, bay leaves, bell peppers, pickles, pickle juice, soy sauce, more olive oil then baked for 30 minutes. Such a pretty sight and so yummy too!

broiled then baked mackerel

Lastly but not the least, hubby cooked this dish for Valentine's dinner. OMG! Best home cooked meal ever. We literally couldn't stop eating it and we felt sad when we finished it. Definitely doing this again soon. It is a combination of two dishes, grilled pork belly marinated in banana ketchup, soy sauce and brown sugar and raw fish (yes, raw!) soaked in vinegar.

fresh tilapia, chopped ginger and onion, serrano peppers, cucumber, coconut milk, lemon juice

pork belly bbq

combination of the two dishes = Sinuglaw

Hands down! Loved this dish. So much flavor from both dishes that complimented each other and made it perfect. It is like two people from different worlds that clicked :D

No More Naps!

I like that the week that passed had been productive. The kids made their Valentine gifts in advance, we have collected quite a bit of money for their school fundraiser, kids went ice skating until they could no longer walk, bought them roller blades and tennis rackets for a very good price, and my free shopping.

FREE!

cracker chips and turkey bacon all for FREE!

.47 each

Hubby's days off from work, we literally spent in the car driving from point A to B, C, D, E. Our house is a mess right now BUT it's nice to be out and bring the kids to their activities rather than stay cooped up inside. I can't wait for hubby's next day off again! :D

Mommy's Restaurant

My goal is to at least try a new recipe every week. But first, some leftovers. I can't get enough of the yummy pancit canton. I reserved the vegetable toppings and ate as is, without the noodles. After that, I turned it into another dish as filling for Fresh Spring Roll. We also had a repeat of hubby's Beef Teriyaki plus our favorite fried pork belly with a little sugar instead of plain salt and pepper.

Pancit Canton

wrapper made out of flour, water and egg

Fresh Lumpia with peanut sauce and fresh garlic

Beef Teriyaki

sweet pork belly

Here comes the new recipe for the week. Hubby has been planning to make roast beef but I couldn't wait for him any longer so I experimented and proceeded to do it. I used this Roast Beef recipe as a guide.

Picky eater Lance loved it so I'm guessing it's successful. Hubby made the gravy which was really good, I wish he made more!

For Sunday brunch, I made french toast for the kids with different toppings as expected.

cheese for Lance

whipped cream and maple syrup for Leila

I heard the kids remark, "Mommy should have a restaurant, she makes yummy food!" How sweet! FYI: Having a restaurant is a childhood dream of mine. My kitchen is my little restaurant as of the moment :D